The memory of animals

Opening up my awareness to everything around me through getting back in touch with my body again.

I really want to go on an Animal Telepathy/Communication course to deepen this awareness I am starting to feel. I guess that this is the ‘educated person’ speaking – I mean, thinking that I can only achieve something if I go down the regular channels, attend classes and get a certificate ‘proving’ to others that I can do it. It is a good thing that the teachers I would choose to learn from (Anna Breytenbach or Nancy Windheart) have no beginners courses available at the moment because I do tend to rush straight into these kind of things with full-on enthusiasm and after a while get a little bored. I need to develop some trust in myself that I can see it through to the end first with the diligence that I started out with. So right now I am seeing his lack of opportunity as a blessing in disguise; it means that I can concentrate on some personal development first, dig deep to see if this really is a thing that I want to go ahead with and start to practice.

Through Nancy’s site I clicked on a link she recommended for a free introductory course on somatic meditation at Dharma Ocean, which is to do with clearing blocks in the body. It is a recording by Reggie Ray, which guides you through the reasons behind doing this type of meditation and some sessions in which you have an opportunity to actually practice it.

I have been told that in regards to re-forging a connection with animals, we do not necessarily have to ‘learn’ how to do it but rather clear away any obstructions so that we can remember how to do it. We as children, inherently connected with everything around us until structured education (reading, writing, logical thought etc.) and other ways of being here in this modern world (body repression, reliance on machines, social conditioning etc.) forced us to shut down that communication. It is as natural a process as breathing and it is the way all sentient beings communicate with each other (and indigenous people still do).

I am going to start to work with my body awareness through Reggie’s meditation sessions. I am going to clear away the blocks in order that my body becomes more sensitive to itself, its surroundings and of other sentient beings (i.e. everything). I think that this is as good place as any to start as I wait for the Animal Communication Training to become available. The first couple of sessions will be a challenge for me; I have always found it a struggle to connect with my body but as Reggie says, we must let go of the need for an outcome and learn to ‘be’ within the process itself.

I have already been quite successful in tuning into my surroundings though, in a kind of externally-focused meditation of sorts by taking a Nature Awareness course with the Wilderness Awareness School and starting a daily sit-spot practice, where I do nothing but observe the wildlife in my garden for a certain period of time every day. It has opened up so much of the world I had been ignorant of and taught me about the intricate lives and relationships of the animals, birds, insects and plants that inhabit my surroundings. I had been kidding myself thinking that their world was any less complex than mine and I have become very humble about this fact, turning to them for all kinds of things; peace, entertainment, connection and solace.

Compared to the many ‘wishful thinking’ conversations I have had with Juno, which have been rather cloying and seemed to only have served to abate my grief, I have also had a couple of messages that I feel must have absolutely come from her. Although at this point I have no way of proving them to be real, they had such a different quality to them that I know I am starting to move along the right track with all of this. They were visceral (seeming to originate from a bodily sensation rather than from my normal thought processes), instantaneous – shocking even, they went against what I imagined I should be hearing from her and they felt independent of my own Being; they came and then were gone in a very sure and certain way. These are the key features I am going to use in the future to discriminate between my own self-talk between what I think of as my dead dog and me and a real message that has come directly from her through her one free will. I am going to start practising this with other animals too and I know that I have to concentrate more on getting in touch with my body as I understand that these messages bypass the brain and the more I can sensitise myself to what I am receiving through these channels, the more certain I know I will become.

Little by little it is starting to come together.

The first communication

Forging a connection with a beloved dog who has recently passed on.

I have been trying to connect telepathically with my beloved Juno recently. Since she died last April, she has never been far from my thoughts and I often feel her presence moving through the house as she does her favourite things, sits in her regular spots etc. but since getting to know Anna Breytenbach’s work through stumbling over this video and then going on to read Penelope Smith’s first two books (also having spent some time connecting with wildlife through taking a nature awareness course), I feel I am ready to finally make a deeper conscious connection with my dog.

Considering the events that surrounded Juno’s death and the trauma it created for me and my family, I am very keen to find out her side of the story, perhaps even discovering the reasons for her aggressive behaviour but more than that, I just want to know how she is feeling now. We used to spend all of our time together and the gap she has left has been huge so I also really want to reassure her that I am still here, still okay and that I still love her beyond doubt. I am consciously trying to put behind me the fact that I have only come across animal communication now, a few months after her death and not let the guilt of not having tried it with her whilst she was alive affect our continuing relationship.

The first conscious communication I had with her was when she returned after I had asked for help with an insect bite a couple of weeks ago. I felt her nearby as she started to lick the bite to heal it, something she used to do regularly with all our bruises, scratches and nicks. It was very comforting to me and I was excited that I could feel her presence in a more visceral way again. This happened after I had spent many weeks practising calming my mind’s restlessness, sitting with an open heart and being very attentive to whatever thoughts, images and sounds came into my mind whilst in that state.

I had been practising with a group of young lizards that had been born in the summer and lived in a wood pile I had set up for them on my patio (which protected them from the neighbour’s cats). I had also had some success with reaching out to my semi-wild garden rabbit and a deer I had been seeing regularly in the woods near to my house. I had had some fun interactions with all of them and I was excited that I was starting to pick up some images and thoughts directly from them. I can’t quite describe how it happens. It seems to me that when you get into a state of complete openness (without involving thoughts), a connection is somehow made. This connection is instantaneous and closer than you can imagine; it is almost as if ‘animal’ and ‘human’ have merged somehow into one essence and time and distance no longer exist.

After these initial experiences and feeling more confident that I could connect with Juno, I decided to reach out to her again whilst in the bath one night. When Juno was alive, she would always come into the bathroom with me, gaze longingly into the water, try to lick up any soap suds she could reach and then lie down alongside the bath to wait for me to finish so that she could lick my feet as I got out. So, I deeply imagined her doing all those things right there with me and after a while, I felt her presence close by. I received a few images and thoughts from her whilst she was with me; her body wasn’t always so solid as I remember it, at one point seeming more human than animal but she did tell me that she suffered from headaches whilst she was alive.

As with many novice animal communicators, I wondered if all this stuff was just going on in my head, that it was wishful thinking and I had made it up – a product of my very fertile imagination. After all, it is early days; I still have not yet had proof that any of this is ‘real’ (though what is real and what is imagination gets more and more mixed up in my head as the years pass by). As I was thinking this, she told me that she would prove that it was real by turning up on 12th October – 6 months after her death and I would see a definite sign either in the form of a dog that looked very similar to her or by coming across something that had a connection to her name.

I shouted out as I received this information; it felt like an electric shock had gone through me and then, in a flood of sobbing, I felt the most powerful surge of love mix together with the most unbearable grief. For a split-second I completely understood how it was possible to move to the edge of this world and through to the next with this electric combination of love and sadness. It was incredible and I was left stunned. I lay there until the bath water was cold, unable to move. It was dark outside, so finally, I dragged myself out of the cold water to be greeted by tentative licks on my wet feet, something I always used to love when my beloved was alive.

All this, as before, came to me in a flash as if there was no gap between me and her, no time frame, no actual distance for any ‘thoughts’ to travel. I think I am starting to understand that this maybe the ‘hallmark’ of real telepathic communication.

Today, I am so excited because I only have two weeks to wait to see her again. Of course I have my doubts, as many telepaths must have at the beginning of their spiritual journey and I will be so disappointed if it proves to be just another wishful thought that I have come up with to make myself feel better about Juno’s death. However, I am hoping that this will be the definitive proof I am looking for and it shows me that my connection with her is still solid, that I can start to trust that whatever thoughts and images she sends me are real and I can proceed with more confidence.

The best birthday present I could hope for will be to see her walking along the street, perhaps through the window of a restaurant we may be eating in, at the exact moment when I am in the full flow of conversation and I have half-forgotten about our little rendez-vous, so that I gasp out loud as it all comes flooding back to me. She may be walking on the end of a lead with a family or just roaming the streets by herself. I will have no need to meet her, stroke her or talk to her but of course, if that happens, I will be over the moon. I hope that she will want to communicate with me but even without any conversation, there will be such ‘knowing’ between us that I’m sure my huge smile will give everything away.

I’m looking forward to seeing you my girl.

Starting to heal?

It has been five and a half months since our beloved Juno was put to sleep. Although I write a personal journal every day to keep track of things, I have not been able to write about it here until my last post because quite frankly, I felt such huge guilt that I had euthanized our healthy, wonderful family dog. I had visions of people damning me online for the decision I had taken so, I decided to keep quiet about it and try to get through the mourning process as best I could. There was not really anything I could discuss with close friends either; the subject seemed to be something rather taboo. They saw on the face of it that I was coping, so that was that. I had heard of friends’ age-old dearhearts being put to sleep when the ‘time was right’ in order to alleviate physical pain and suffering and I helped them mourn the wonderful lives their animals had lived but I had never come across anyone who had alleviated ‘mental’ pain in an animal that was otherwise young and healthy and was suffering anguish for the decision they had made. My dog’s aggression seemed somehow to immediately make the discussion of all those fond memories of her far less appealing. I felt very alone.

I had no idea that there are so very many of us who have suffered in this way through having to make the decision to euthanise our beloveds because of their aggression. I am slowly reading through all of the 900 posts on this page, crying and re-living that terrible time and it is making me feel a little better. I had no idea that anybody, let alone hundreds, if not thousands of people had had such a similar experience with their dog as me. It has been a comfort and I think it has also helped me face the fact that she has absolutely gone and there is nothing I can do to bring her back (at least in body). It hasn’t however, made the facts surrounding her death any easier for me to digest but I stand behind my decision; I believe we were 100% correct to have gone through with it according to the information we had about her (and the experience we had had with her) at the time.

I have been avoiding facing all of this ‘stuff’ for five and a half months now by keeping myself busy, very busy; walking everyday, immersing myself mainly in planting a hedge to make the garden more enclosed, feeding the birds and going out to watch foxes, badgers and deer most evenings in the woods around us. I also enrolled in a wildlife tracking course, which I will be taking in October. I was also very close to contacting the local vets to offer my services taking in injured wildlife.

Somehow underneath, I knew I was just trying to fill in the hole left by Juno and I thought that immersing myself in the activity of looking after ‘things’ and interacting with wild animals would be a good idea. I went on a huge campaign to get the neighbour’s five cats out of the garden, no longer worried that they would be seen off by the resident dog and so at liberty to kill everything that moved, including nearly all of the lizards living on my patio. I also went on a silent and sometimes not so silent campaign of ‘severe dislike’ for my other neighbour who shot two fox cubs in the fields in front of our house because he thought they were a nuisance (after I had fed the mother in the garden every night whilst she raised her babies) and I then decided that I had to ‘save the planet’ by giving up flying for good and becoming a vegan. All of this was in a strange way, good, I suppose (although I fear I am fast getting the reputation of being the mad lizard-loving vegan who lives at the end of the valley); I managed to get through most days without feeling the utter desperate sadness that I had felt immediately after Juno’s death because I had other matters to attend to.

I knew however, despite of (and maybe because of) all this activity, I was suffering from continued depression.

I decided about a month ago to study animal communication after stumbling over this video and being absolutely blown away by it BUT I knew I would only be able to go ahead with it if I put the fact that I could have telepathically communicated with Juno about her problems before her death to the back of my mind. If only, if only I had come across this video a year ago. If only I had known how to sit down and ask her directly what the problem was and if only I had known how to hear her reply I may have been able to help her and she would have still been here today; healthy, happy, sitting at my feet, looking forward to her walk, at ease with all other dogs, thunder, fireworks, able to chase and bring back a ball, and …. and …. and …..

I can’t explain how sad writing that previous sentence makes me feel.

I think I have been keying into a subtle change in the air of our family too. My daughters up until now, have been unable to talk about Juno’s death to me or my husband. We were all so very stunned but recently, my youngest has said she wants another dog and my oldest sent me a photo of some border collie pups she’d just seen for sale. Suddenly we are talking about dogs again.

After reading the experiences of so many other people who have gone through the same dreadful trauma as us, I felt brave enough to start writing this blog; partly as a celebration of Juno’s life, as therapy for me and also as a record of my exploration into animal communication, especially with those beloveds who have already passed on. I am normally very shy, very private and very anxious about overexposure on the net but with Juno’s help, I think I may be able to do this (for a while, at least). I am excited that I will be able to talk to her again. I get the feeling that she would like to talk to me, I am comforted knowing that there may have been, after all, some rhyme and reason to this dreadful experience and there maybe a light at the end of this tunnel of grief for both of us.

And more than anything I have started to feel a sense of her wisdom and her strength, after all her Spirit is but a part of the Spirit of Oneness we all share and it makes me, very slowly, very tentatively, feel proud to have known and continue to know my beloved dog, despite everything that went so desperately wrong in her life here with us.